I don't know how to write this post without being incredibly vulnerable;
and so I will be. And that's okay. :-)
Lately I've found myself on my knees a lot with the same question:
What is my future?
I am an anxious planner. I always have been. I like to plan step #7 before even taking step #1. Because of that anxiety, I claim that I try to live spontaneously in the hope that if I act suddenly, my mind's draining overanalyzing won't kick in. I think that everyone must feel this way sometimes.
Going to college was so spontaneous that my mind had no time to process. It was built on a promise that I talked about here -- you will be happier than you've ever been.
And I was.
The last three months were filled to the brim with the happiest, most carefree times I've ever had in my life! I realize that there is only more to come. Only...I'm a dreamer. I fill empty pages with bucket lists and I fill my mind with dreamy plans. As I've grown up it's become apparent that I have many, many, many different opportunities building around me and
I
DON'T
KNOW
DON'T
KNOW
WHERE
TO
START.
Can you detect my anxiety seeping through my words?
One of the only times I had a calm mind and was able to think clearly about this; a phrase was placed in my mind
"Don't ask me about my plan for your future; ask me about my plan for your day."
Even better -- I should ask God about his plan for my MOMENT. If I am planning step #7, I can't possibly be living and learning from step #1.
After confiding these thoughts in a close friend, he sent me these words;
"Sometimes the Lord expects us to step forward blindly with faith and I'm confident that he won't let you step in the wrong direction".
I'm choosing to step forward into the unknown and it's beautiful because that's the only way I can grow! I can only feel terrified if I let myself forget that I am walking on a path towards salvation.
It is a path once strewn with branches and rocks, cleared by my brother Jesus Christ who paved the way and set an example for the world and for me.
Fear is powerfully real, but hope is immeasurable.
It's time to filter out the fear and let the hope motivate me.
Yes I am intimidated by the future, but the future is not the enemy. It is my saving grace!
I am alive. I am breathing and every morning I wake up to a new 24 hour long life. It's time to take that 24 hours and dissect it by loving each moment like I'm about to lose it. Because I am.
With God's help it's time to fearlessly forge my own direction.
Anxiety? No problem. My God is greater that that.
#bye
:-)
xoxo
-Hallie Jo
"Therefore let the morrow take thought for the things of itself."
-D&C 84:84
No comments:
Post a Comment